"Beat & Release": Fake "Umbrella Gun" Nets Thief Fake Gold, Before He's Nabbed, in Istanbul

türkçe links to original Turkish article

(Hürriyet Newspaper, 4 October 2026)

Ah yes, the old umbrella as pistol trick!

In the Bayrampaşa district of Istanbul, Necmettin T. entered a jewelry 

store, threatened an employee using an umbrella disguised as a pistol 

inside a bag (!), and stole 20 gold bracelets from the display case. 

Apprehended within two hours along with the stolen items, the suspect 

was found to have previously taken and sold gold from his mother-in-law's 

home to pay off a gambling debt; he reportedly robbed the jewelry store 

in an attempt to replace the gold he had taken after the initial theft was 

discovered. It was subsequently revealed that the gold bracelets he had 

stolen from the jewelry store were fake. (!)

The incident took place yesterday around 15:25 at a jewelry store in the 

Yıldırım Neighborhood of Bayrampaşa. While Emir Gülcemal, an 

employee, was alone in the shop, an individual entered and claimed there 

was a gun inside the bag he was holding, threatening to shoot if his 

demands were not met. The suspect extended the bag toward Gülcemal 

and ordered him to fill it with gold. Gülcemal filled the bag with imitation 

jewelry from the display case. Believing the items to be real gold, the 

suspect took the bag and fled the scene on foot.

Police went on alert after news of the incident broke. During the search 

launched in the direction of the suspect's escape, security camera footage 

revealed that the thief had entered a pastry shop. In a raid on the shop 

approximately two hours after the incident, police teams apprehended the 

suspect, Necmettin T. (39), along with the stolen gold.

Necmettin bey better of in jail than in his mother-in-law's house,

henceforth.

The suspect was brought to the Public Order Branch Directorate for 

questioning. The investigation revealed that the suspect had been engaging 

in online gambling and had incurred debts. It was discovered that Necmettin 

T.—who had recently closed his own home and moved in with his mother-in-

law in Istanbul (!)—had learned the location of the gold kept in the house 

under the pretext of storing the gold gifted to his child, and had subsequently 

stolen it.

It was determined that Necmettin T., who had cashed in his mother-in-law's 

gold to pay off gambling debts, planned to rob a jewelry store to replace the 

stolen items after the theft came to light. It also emerged that the suspect did 

not possess a weapon and had intimidated the store employee using an 

umbrella placed inside a bag he was carrying.

Besides gambling too much, Necmettin bey reads comics too much.

Meanwhile, the business owner, Kadir Aydın, and Emir Gülcemal—who 

was manning the counter at the time of the incident—arrived at the Public 

Security Branch Directorate to identify the suspect. Kadir Aydın, who filed

 a complaint against the suspect, said, "I wasn't at the shop; one of our 

employees encountered this situation. He kept his cool and handed the 

robber fake gold pieces instead of the real ones from the display case. 

The suspect, believing them to be genuine, fled the scene. Had the gold 

he handed over been real, our losses would have amounted to nearly 5 

million liras. I would like to thank the Public Security Branch Directorate."

"Lowlife's Final Frontier": Contribution Boxes for Ill Child Stolen Again and Again, in Milas

türkçe links to original Turkish article

(Sabah Newspaper, 2 October 2026)

                       Yeah, but it's hard to believe.

Five donation boxes, placed in local businesses as part of a fundraising 

campaign for 5-year-old Göktuğ Kurt—who suffers from Duchenne 

Muscular Dystrophy (DMD)—were stolen in the Milas district of 

Muğla. (!)

Bünyamin Atılgan (27), who stole the boxes, has been arrested. The theft 

occurred the other day at a market on Nazmi Akdeniz Street in the Burgaz 

Neighborhood; the boxes had been distributed to businesses as part of a 

campaign approved by the Muğla Governorship to support Göktuğ Kurt.

Teams from the Milas Public Order Bureau examined security camera 

footage and identified the suspect as Bünyamin Atılgan, who was 

apprehended and taken into custody with a sum of stolen money in his 

possession. 

Bünyamin bey to be sent on a one-way mission on his namesake ship.

It was determined that he had also stolen charity collection boxes intended 

for Göktuğ from four businesses—including a patisserie on Halil Bey 

Boulevard in the Cumhuriyet Neighborhood—on September 21 and 28. 

Atılgan was referred to the courthouse and subsequently arrested.

"Halloween & Release": As The Day Approaches, Skeleton Found on Black Sea Beach, in Samsun

türkçe links to original Turkish article

(Cumhuriyet Newspaper, 2 October 2026)

                        A bathing beauty...once upon a time.

A human skeleton was discovered in the Terme district of Samsun (!). 

An investigation has been launched to identify the person to whom the 

skeleton—found wearing a swimsuit-like garment—belonged.

Around 4:00 PM today, an individual spotted a human skeleton on the 

beach in the Taşlık Neighborhood of Terme district and notified the 112 

Emergency Call Center. Following the report, teams from the Provincial 

Gendarmerie Command’s Criminal Branch Directorate and crime scene 

investigation units were dispatched to the area. Examinations revealed 

that the body had decomposed into a skeleton and was wearing a 

swimsuit-like garment.

Work has been initiated to determine whose skeleton it is.

"Neanderthal & Release": Wife-killer Hid in Cave for 30 Years, in Artvin

türkçe links to original Turkish article

(Hürriyet Newspaper, 1 October 2026)

     Caveman flushed out, 30 years after murdering wife.

Interior Minister Mustafa Çiftçi announced that Nigar Bilgin, who had 

not been heard from for 30 years (!) in the Şavşat district of Artvin, was 

the victim of a murder and that the case has been solved by the 

Gendarmerie.

In a statement posted on his social media account, Minister Çiftçi 

announced that the Gendarmerie Crime Investigation Team (JASAT) 

had solved a murder that had remained concealed for years. Çiftçi said, 

"It has been revealed that Nigar Bilgin, who had not been heard from 

for years in the Şavşat district of Artvin, was a victim of murder. 

another JASAT success story click here for a 15-year CSI case.

As a result of meticulous work carried out by our JASAT teams, the 

murder was solved, and the suspects were handed over to justice. A 

local investigation—initiated after Nigar Bilgin failed to apply for a 

new identity card—determined that she had been missing for 

approximately 30 years, that no official missing person report had been 

filed regarding her, and that no digital footprint could be found. 

Interviews revealed information indicating that she had been subjected 

to violence by her legally wedded husband, Z.B."

Z.B., in happier times.

Minister Çiftçi stated, "Our teams, intensifying their investigation, 

determined that Z.B. had been living alone for approximately 20 years 

in a cave (!) located in the forest area outside the village. Acting on 

statements from the suspect's siblings, our District Gendarmerie and 

JASAT teams apprehended Z.B. in an operation. During the site 

reconstruction procedure carried out with the participation of the duty 

public prosecutor, bone fragments and pieces of clothing believed to 

belong to Nigar Bilgin were discovered."

The murder suspect, the spouse Z.B., was arrested. A travel ban was 

imposed on one sibling, A.B., while another, M.B., was placed under 

house arrest. "No matter how much time passes, our security forces 

follow the leads, uncover the truth, and bring those responsible to justice. 

I congratulate our JASAT teams, the Artvin Provincial Gendarmerie 

Command, and all the gendarmerie personnel who contributed to this 

effort," he stated.

"Flaunt & Release": Tribal Wedding Guests Drape Themselves in Banknotes, in Mersin

türkçe links to original Turkish article

(Haberler.com website, 30 September 2026)

What the well-dressed wedding guests are wearing these days.

At a wedding held in Mersin for the Baykara clan from Siirt, guests 

performed the *halay* dance while draped in banknotes. (!)

Another event has been added to the list of tribal weddings—a topic 

that has recently become a major talking point on social media. At 

the wedding of a family from Siirt held in Mersin, the sight of guests 

performing the *halay* for minutes on end, with banknotes draped 

over their bodies and held in their hands, turned into a visual spectacle.

Sometimes they dress "sans banknotes".

No official statement was made regarding the total amount of gold 

and cash collected at the wedding. However, the sight of numerous 

guests—alongside the groom—displaying the money while joining 

the *halay* dance quickly generated a significant buzz on social media.

"Meow & (No) Entry": Four Women Burglers Stymied by "Miracle" Cat, in Istanbul

türkçe links to original Turkish article

(Yeni Şafak website, 29 September 2026)

the same four?! click here for another 4-gal heist.

Mucize to strangers: "I'd turn back if I were you!" They did.

A cat named 'Mucize' (miracle!) stood guard at the door in Küçükçekmece, 

preventing four female burglars, who had already robbed a 10th-floor 

apartment in a luxury complex in the Halkalı neighborhood of 

Küçükçekmece, Istanbul, set their sights on the Dada family's apartment 

on the 12th floor. 

Seizing the opportunity presented by the homeowners' absence, the 

suspects forced the door open, only to come face-to-face with 'Mucize'—

a feisty cat the family had raised for eight years.  'Mucize' refused to let 

the burglars pass, repelling them with swipes of her paws and hisses 

every time the door was opened, thwarting the suspects—who were 

wearing gloves and kicking at the door—for about 45 minutes (!). 

The fierce struggle between the cat and the suspects, who eventually

fled in desperation, was captured on the complex's security cameras.

According to reports, four unidentified female thieves entered the 

residential complex and first burglarized an apartment on the 10th floor. 

The suspects then proceeded to the 12th floor and forced open the door 

of an apartment belonging to the Dada family, who were not at home. 

However (!), as they attempted to step inside, the thieves faced the wrath 

of "Mucize," a tabby cat known for its fierce temperament that had 

lived with the family for eight years.  As soon as the door was pried open, 

"Mucize" bared its claws and lunged at the thieves, refusing to let them 

take even a single step inside. The suspects put on gloves to fend off the 

cat's attacks and tried to force their way in by kicking through the 

opening. Yet, despite persistent attempts lasting 45 minutes—during 

which they were repeatedly met with the cat's aggressive swipes and 

attacks—the terrified thieves were ultimately forced to flee without 

managing to enter the apartment.

Her softer side with familiar faces...

Bahar Dada, the homeowner, stated that her blood ran cold when she 

watched the complex's security camera footage, and she described the 

courage her cat displayed as follows:

"When a message was shared in the complex's group chat about a 

burglary on the 10th floor, I requested the camera footage for our own 

floor. I got goosebumps when I watched it. They opened the door a full 

four times, but each time, 'Mucize' pounced on them and drove them 

back. 

Our cat has been with us for eight years and has a very fierce 

temperament; even veterinarians tell me, 'Ms. Bahar, don't call this a cat; 

it's a lion cub.' (!) Even guests are too afraid to visit us. The women wore 

gloves and tried kicking their way in, but despite everything, my cat 

wouldn't let that door open; she protected our home. Even my two-and-a-

half-year-old daughter hugged her after seeing the footage, saying, 

'Mucize, thank you for protecting our home.' Something could have 

happened to her at that moment; that was my biggest fear. We 

immediately went to the police station and filed a complaint."

The security camera footage from the apartment hallway clearly shows 

the four suspects attempting to enter each time they cracked the door 

open, retreating as the cat swiped at them with her claws, and finally 

leaving the building in defeat. Police teams have launched an extensive 

operation to apprehend the female burglars.

Küçükçekmece's location in Cat-stantinople.

"Research & Release": Scientific Approach to Proving Noah's Ark, on Mt. Ararat

 türkçe links to original Turkish article

(HaberTürk website, 29 September 2026)

                 Hmmm, a suspiciously ark-like shape!

Field work has been completed in the research carried out in the area 

where Noah's Ark is claimed to be located in Doğubayazıt district of 

Ağrı. At the end of the studies, which lasted approximately 90 days, 

soil samples taken from 100-150 points were sent to the laboratory for 

examination. Durupınar Formation (Noah's Ark) Research Project 

President Prof. Dr. Cenker Atila said, "We are waiting for the results of 

the samples. We will understand whether there is really Noah's Ark 

here by examining the carbon in organic materials."

Research continues regarding the remains—alleged to belong to Noah's 

Ark—that were discovered on September 11, 1959, by Captain İlhan 

Durupınar, a mapping engineer, in the terrain between the villages of 

Telçeker and Üzengili in the Doğubayazıt district, while he was 

conducting a flight over the region in a Turkish Armed Forces (TSK) 

aircraft to map the Eastern Anatolia Region.

Theme park planning has begun...

Most recently, the Durupınar Formation (Noah's Ark) Research Project 

was launched in the region under the leadership of Prof. Dr. Cenker 

Atila, a faculty member in the Department of Archaeology at Sivas 

Cumhuriyet University's Faculty of Letters. Twenty scientists from five 

different countries participated in the work, which lasted 90 days in 

Doğubayazıt.

Three documentary crews—two from the United States and one from 

the United Kingdom—filmed the work for their documentaries. Scientists 

first conducted mapping, photography, and GPS-based operations in the 

area. Following radar surveys of the region, soil samples were collected. 

Approximately one thousand soil samples from around 100 to 150 

different locations were gathered and sent to the laboratory for analysis.

...AI rendering of happy visitors:

Stating that the research for 2026 has concluded, Prof. Dr. Cenker Atila 

noted that 20 scientists from five different countries participated in the 

90-day study. Explaining that they first conducted mapping in the area, 

Atila said, "Radar surveys were carried out in the region. The radar work 

was of great importance to us, as it was the method that would provide 

data on underground voids and potential traces of the ship. Once the radar 

work was completed, we began collecting soil samples based on the 

specific points identified."