year - but never wrote in it, perhaps because of the
increasing tumult in revolutionary Russia.//
7 February 1917 Wednesday
The weather is
still cloudy. The cold seems to have eased somewhat.
News: Germany says that America cutting
political relations is a bluff
by Russian agents. With the 1,000 submarines
they’ve put in place the
Germans have blockaded all the seas and sunk more than ten English
ships. From now on the Germans
will use every means possible to
impose peace on their enemies. We went to the market in
the afternoon
and got two large notebooks. Today I worked on sewing together
a diary I want to
prepare for the year Rumi 333 (1917).
8 February 1917
Thursday
The weather is
cloudy. Not very cold. I got up a bit late today. I heard
that Saffet has moved
to Adilfinski house.
The reason supposedly is to
teach Tahir German. I asked around and it seems that he’s had a
falling
out with Salah. He separated his things three days ago. He was upset
because he and
Salah weren’t talking anyway. That’s why he left…ah,
the good old days! You are such an
unfathomable puzzle that sometimes
you come up with strange things to spoil
things between fellows
you’ve
been good friends with. You’ll make those you let laugh today moan
tomorrow. But
you’re innocent, you’re not the one who does this. Those
who do this are the devil’s people and
you just expose their tricks and
do us the favor of perceiving its real nature. Days that once
passed
pleasantly are today in confusion because hearts that beat with
controlled
feeling and desire
have been mingled with secret hypocricies. Yes, this
was going to be and should be so that things
like this can give a person
experience in this world. I went to the other house
for a while in the
afternoon. We chatted. I had a dream at night. It seemed that we were
in the
house in Ankara. I had
gotten up earlier than everyone else. My
mother and father were there. Then a crowd gathered. My
father became
an imam and lead the morning prayer. He conducted the prayer with an
intention.
9 February 1917
Friday
The weather is
cloudy. Still not very cold. It fell below minus 20. News:
(Tercüman) 10,000
students have gone to
Germany for education. When
I heard this news I was happy but I sighed, as
well. I was happy because
they’ll learn all the arts and make our Turkey, what’s left of it, shine. I
sighed because had I been
in Turkey now I would no doubt have been
included. Ah fortune, you’ve been so cruel to me by
dragging me to this
moment with a chain of so many calamities, which you’ve subjected me
to
during the brightest time of my youth. And you’re still dragging me.
I’m not
sorry that I’ve suffered
these calamities. On the contrary,
they’ve been lessons for me and I’m glad because they’ve
given me a
great desire for work and have explained my life to a certain
degree.
But I regret that
you, fortune, have made it so difficult for me to find the
way to worthwhile endeavors and you
continue to do so. Because by
your actions you’re playing with my esteemed life and are
probably
leaving me on a road that will drag me to my death. Without losing a
minute, I want to
continually work, learn everything and completely
renounce ignorance. But I’m
somewhat shy. There’s no
one to help me.
Ah, lonliness, I have no one! Dear God, give me strength and
grant
me the chance to
be with my family while I’m alive so that my hopes
aren’t completely crushed. Because only then
can help me achieve my
sacred desire. Today even though the notorious Captain Kır Mustafa
came
to our house from Lebedof, unfortunately he went again. At night
Zühdü and I talked about the
future. He said that if I join his profession
then we’ll definitely go to
Europe together, no
matter what. I agreed.
This being the case, we said that we would study German
with
greater enthusiasm
and Halis joined in with us, too.
10 February 1917
Saturday
The weather is
cloudy, bad. Lots of snow fell. The cold is not so bad.
Today passed
uneventfully. Ah, captivity has so
shaken my memory I
can’t remember yesterday. But yesterday for me was a day that will
never be
forgotten. That day gave me the chance to know myself. That
day laid before my eyes, by torment
and calamity, all that is real. Ah,
how sorrowful a day, so filled with
sadness. I’m living that day
within
a calamity that cruelty has rolled over me. All hope was extinguished,
my desires all
blackened. Not even one candle reflecting these could be
seen before my eyes.
Life had lost all its value
at this point. Happiness
could only be through death. Fortune was begrudging
this happiness
from us
and subjecting us to endless crushing, painful tortures…Ah,
Dear God, grant us happiness and let
us forget the troublesome and
terrible memories of these black days. May the damage done be
repaired. German is now at a standstill.
Zühdü just has to advance.
The Russians are going to make
the prisoner soldiers work, supposedly
they’re going to gather up all the
servants in the houses and
replace
them with crippled soldiers. I finished the diary completely. Today I
felt
a violent pain in my
right foot, in particular. I was afraid it might be
rheumatism but by morning
it had gone away.
Tercüman is Stil
Talking About Preparations in Germany
11 February 1917
Saturday
The weather is
overcast. The cold has completely lost its bitter edge.
This cold reminds one
of the cold in low-lying places
in our country.
News: (Tercüman) the preparations in Germany are being talked about
again. Our enemies are both afraid of us and avoiding peace. They
always say:
‘we can’t make peace
until victory is completely achieved.’
It’s as if they’re on the verge of
victory, just waiting for
the final triumph.
I got a letter from Franz in the morning. In it he said that
he hadn’t been
able
to find an easy German reader for us as he had promised but that we
should be able to benefit to
some degree from a regimental friend of his,
an Austrian, who has come to
our house as a
servant. He added that he
will soon be sent elsewhere and that he was hoping to
write a letter or a
card
to his country about this. He wrote also that he would like me to
keep an eye
on Joseph and
that, if possible, he wanted me to save him
from his impending transport. In reply, I wrote
that I was sorry about his
departure, that I wanted him to stay here and that
all his wishes will be
granted. Tonight we had a German lesson from the newly-arrived
Austrian. His teaching is not
bad. We took a walk today up to the
riverside. Tonight memories of the past and especially thos
calamitous
times came to life in my mind. I was sorry that I didn’t have a good
friend at that
time. Because my friends then were all fair-weather
friends…I went to bed late. Supposedly today a
Russian sergeant will
inspect us. But right away we hid books and notebooks in foreign
languages.
//END of PART LXVI//
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