Süleyman Sırrı decided to commit suicide in the prison
lavatory. Herewith, the gruesome details.//
Henceforth, all hope of salvation was lost. I surmised that they (CUP)
would hang us, come what may, and cow the populace with their terror,
as they always did. In this way, they would eliminate any opposition
and rule without obstacles for at least a couple of years. Given this
situation, what should I do? The thought of me hanging from the
gallows in Beyazit Square was horrifying for my family and friends.
Most nights I couldn't sleep, fearing I would be taken to the gallows,
and only after dawn was I able to fall asleep.
Nevertheless, I no longer feared death and felt that by dying I would
at least be freed from this terrible situation. I envisioned that my name
would be called, I'd be given a white shirt and offered coffee and a
cigarette. Then, the judge's decision would be read out, a warrant would
be written and they would ask me for any last words to my family. At
that point, I would be taken to the gallows by bayonet-weilding guards.
My hands would be tied behind my back and they would put me onto
the CUP's version of the 'platform of justice'. How terrible! I don't mind
dying, but not in such a degrading manner in front of all to see.
I was consumed by these thoughts of pain and suffering. Finally, one
night, as usual, I couldn't sleep as dawn approached. I believed
this to be my last night. All the other fellows were asleep and I thought
better of waking them. I looked at the clock and saw that it was time
for the guards to change shifts. I slowly pulled a woven sash from the
pocket of a sleeping inmate and wrote a note addressed to Mahmut
Şevket Paşa: "a tyrannical government cannot endure. The end for such
a government will be dreadful. Another youth dies for you." Then I put
the note in my pocket.
Next, I wrote a will for my family, filled with sorrow and regret. I made
them promise to give my son a good education and make him a
determined opponent of the CUP government, which I scorned in no
uncertain terms. I asked God never to allow this situation to be
revisited on Moslems, with the knowledge that He would prevent such
a recurrence. Also, I asked that God have mercy on my soul and I
declared my faith in His existence. I put the will inside the cotton lining
of my mattress.
I then went to the lavatory, which did not have a lock. So I stuck a board
under the door to prevent anyone from entering in the event that I
screamed while dying. I climbed up to where there was a bar across the
ceiling, said my final prayers, tied a noose made from by trouser
drawstring around my neck and blindfolded myself with a fragrant
handkerchief my family had brought for me. Then I tied the noose
to the bar above and, with a shout of "God is Great!", I began to swing
to my death.
So now I was dead. There would be no more suffering, no more fear
and no public exhibition of my demise. My body would merely be
given to my family for burial. Just another youth committing suicide.
But right at that moment another prisoner came to the lavatory. Finding
the door blocked, he called out to determine whether there was anyone
inside. He saw that the door was blocked, pushed his way in and
saw me hanging there with my tongue extended in a ghastly manner.
Bekir Ağa Prison is directly behind the tower in this photo
from 1919, on the campus of Istanbul University in Beyazit.
The discoverer cried out and the other prisoners rushed to the lavatory,
cutting me down with one of the guards' bayonets. Dr. Münir, one of
my fellow inmates, took my pulse and determined that I was still alive.
He immediately gave me artificial resuscitation, while the others notified
the prison officials and soldiers about the situation. Everyone was quite
horrified and sorrowful that I had tried to commit suicide. In an
unconscious state, I was brought to the warden's office.
//END of PART XI//
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