hasn't given up the idea of suicide. But then he learns
of his release, although his father-in-law and friends are
sent into exile in Sinop.//
Anymore I'm being closely watched. In fact, when I go to the lavatory,
in accordance with instructions, my bayonet-wielding guard insists that
I make some noise while I'm inside, commanding "either come out or
let me hear you saying something."
So since there was no chance of suicide I decided on another approach.
I believed that I could fool the doctor into letting me have some
amenities that might afford other suicide opportunities. When Dr.
Rüşdü Bey came in the morning I asked him to accept my 4-paragraph
request. I said to him "Doktor, I've been deprived of light for more than
4.5 months and am in great need of it. Also, I'd like to have a bath and
a shave and to send a telegram to by family so they can come to see me
today." Right away, the doctor gave me permission to go out into the
garden and to the 'hamam' (bath), but he would not allow me to shave.
As for my family, he said that there was no need to send a telegram
because they would be coming on Thursday anyway.
Our negotiations concluded in a bit of turmoil but, in any case, I went
to the bath accompanied by my escort. I thought about smacking my
head on stone basin in the bath but the escort wouldn't leave my side
so I had to abandon that idea for suicide. After the bath, I went out
into the garden along with my escort and a guard with a bayonet. I
went into the nearby soldiers' barracks, had them make me coffee and
asked for pen and paper. I wrote a few things to my family, sort of a
will, in the event that I found an opportunity to kill myself.
I wasn't able to sleep at night because of the vehicle noises and other
odd sounds. One evening the head doctor summoned me and I went
to his office. He very graciously asked me to sit down, offered me a
cigarette and had coffee brought for me. The doctor said that he had
good news for me and I begged him to tell me. He said I was being
released. I, of course, didn't believe him, declaring that the CUP was
inveterately unjust and would never let me go.
Just as I said this, though, he read out my release order from the prison
court martial and I asked him to let me keep the document. This is how
I came to know that I had been released. I thanked him and left the
room, asking that my bayonet-wielding guard, waiting for me at the
door, be removed henceforth. The head doctor so ordered.
Nevertheless, I still didn't believe that I was free and looked around
the corridors anxiously to see if anyone was watching me. But there
was no need for my concern. The next day my release from the hospital
was approved and I was sent to the prison (Bekir Ağa), accompanied by
two guards. That day the newspapers reported that I had been released.
From the prison I went to my home, where my family was overjoyed to
see me.
Sinop (B)
I learned that my father-in-law and his fellow prisoners had been
sentenced to jail terms ranging from 3 to 15 years and that they would
be sent into exile to Sinop to serve out their terms. I visited them at the
central prison and on their day of exile I went with them to the pier
as they boarded the ship to Sinop. Actually, they were pleased to be
going into exile, having been saved from the tyranny and torture of
Bekir Ağa Prison.
//END of PART XIII//
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