Bekir Ağa Prison prior to his suicide attempt and release.
He describes his 'day in court' and the subsequent better
treatment. With no hint of release, though, his concerns
remained.//
As the result of our friends' positive 'passwords' (hats worn backwards)
and the rumored news (English embassy support), our hearts were filled
with hope so that day I felt strong and firm. Together with 'Gözlüklü'
(Glasses) Said, we were placed in an area separated by a screen, next to
the court martial. First Said, and then I entered the court, where there
were 12 members of various ranks sitting in a row. I sat in the
defendant's chair placed in front of a gilded table.
In a stern voice, as if addressing a horse, the chief of the court asked me
my name, age and particulars. Subsequently, he asked me a number of
questions about the aim connected with the founding of the 'secret
society' and its organization. Concurrently, the other members were
asking me questions. I was bewildered, not knowing which one to
answer. At that point, an officer with a pock-marked face sitting to
the right began to ask me some patronizing questions so I ignored the
others and addressed him, but tried as best I could to respond to the
others intermittantly, as well.
Finally, the chief of the court asked me if I had anything else to say. His
question gave me a feeling about the sentence I would receive from the
court martial. Of course, as I left the court I wondered what my sentence
would be. They didn't take me back to the dungeon, but instead to a
room where the others who had already been tried were staying. All the
fellows there were in quite a good mood and this joyful sensation
enveloped me, too. They had another inmate bring my bed and mattress
on his back from the dungeon down below for me.
Rıza Nur Bey
Rıza Nur was in the room across from us and we were able to gesture
back and forth with our eyes to communicate in a way. We knew each
other from when Topalzade Osman and I would clean his room. That
night I suddenly felt ill but, despite the pains in my stomach, I was able
to fall asleep. But all of a sudden I woke up in need of relieving myself.
Being new to the dormitory and not knowing the norms, I flew toward
the privy.
The guard, who was asleep on his feet, woke up but I was already 5-10
steps past him. Chasing after me, the guard grabbed his bayonet and
shouted "Ha! You're trying to escape!" I told him I wasn't trying to
escape, only hoping to relieve myself. In response, he told me that I
had to tell him when I wanted to go to the privy. He whistled for the
sentry to have him accompany me but since it was around midnight
and everyone was sleeping, no one responded to the repeated whistle
blows. The sentry ultimately explained that he was deep into a dream
about his fiancé back home so that was why he didn't hear the whistle.
My urgency for relief gradually dissipated and, accompanied by the
sentry, I went to the privy, where I had quite a time trying to clean
myself up. The next evening, I approached the duty guard and asked
him where he was from. He said 'Bursa' and I noted that I was from
Bursa, too, so I added "since we're from the same hometown, can you
do me a favor and secretly bring me a newspaper?" The next night
he brought a newspaper hidden in his boot and gave it to me. After
I read it, I threw the newspaper into Rıza Nur's room.
Henceforth, there was no more of the torture we had experienced before.
They even let us go out into the garden before meals. We considered
this treatment to be a good omen but quite a change from the way they
had previously handled us. Now they were almost hosting us amiably.
Nevertheless, the time passed and with no hint of release, my anxiety
began to reappear. //
//END of PART XV//
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