wives (links to original article)
(Habertürk Newspaper, 24 May 2011)
A shocking statement from Sibel Üresin, the conservative family advisor
of the Fatih and Eyüp municipality. Üresin, who gives seminars about intra-
family communications to many organizations and municipalities such as
Fatih, Ümraniye, Bahçelievler and Eyüp, also does life-coaching and provides
family and marriage counseling. She is very well known, especially by the
conservative portion of society. Üresin's office is in Başakşehir and she has
drawn attention with some sharp pronouncements.
Defending the idea that it should be legal to have multiple wives, Üresin
said that 'men have a number of wives anyway. 85 percent of men cheat
on their wives. In the conservative community she's called an 'imam nikah
wife' (unofficial wedding performed by an imam), and in the other group it's
called having a mistress.'
The 35-year old Üresin explained the reason why having multiple wives
should be legalized. She stated that 'when men take an 'imam nikah wife'
they don't need to get permission from their official wife. They can marry
up to four women this way. But the second, third and fourth wives are
being misused. When the man says 'I divorce you' they're left out in the
cold. That's why having multiple wives should be legalized. When there's
a law that means that the man's wealth and property are held in common.
Our religion allows for having multiple wives. Not everyone can do it but
you can't say to the one who does 'why did you do it?' That strikes of
polytheism. It's in the Koran.'
Continuing, Üresin said that 'rich men with careers and extra sexual drive
choose having multiple wives. No woman would be the second wife of
a poor man. Men pursue woman who are flirty, that laugh a lot and
who satisfy them sexually. If I were a man I would have multiple wives.'
'Men look at women for friendship, sex, motherhood and as a housewife.
If you don't have these qualities then you should be ready to be cheated
on by your husband. A man is right to look for these things. A woman
who makes a sound assessment of her life, in the event that she's living
through a separation, should look at the multiple wife scenario as a
salvation, in my opinion. When she divorces a woman really prefers to
stay, more than concerning herself with what she'll lose or gain. The
heavier cost of having multiple wives falls on the man, who suffers both
material and psychological harm. Really, I applaud and congratulate
those men who admit that they have a number of wives.'
'Men should act judiciously both materially and spiritually when dealing
with their wives.If a man acts injudiciously then he is preparing his own
hell. For example, in the TV show Sultan Süleyman can't establish a
judicious situation among his wives. Having multiple wives will play an
important role with regard to eliminating the problems of perverted
sexual relations and girls being stuck at home without a husband.'
'In my view, being beaten and cheated on are not reasons for divorce.
80 percent of women in Turkey are verbally abused. A woman who
is not happy in the bedroom will have problems everywhere else. In
the conservative community women are more made-up and chic in
the home. There are certain conditions for establishing happiness in
a family. A woman should obey her husband and a man should behave
toward his wife as if she is God's gift.'