//Ed. note: The desperation and hopelessness
of captivity in a remote desert outpost for 14
years is poignantly expressed in this wrenching
portion of the story.//
another exile's tale click here for the story of
Sami Çölgeçen, another Ottoman navy officer
exiled to Fezzan, southwestern Libya, who
escaped across the Sahara Desert in 1908, but
before 'Meşrutiyet' was declared.
The Ottoman province of Aleppo.
The officials told me to get prepared to disembark from the ship but I
had nothing with me that needed preparation. So I was taken off the
ship as if I was the nation's most desperate criminal and imprisoned
in the Government House. Soon thereafter, I was put into a vehicle,
heading for Aleppo.
After one day in Aleppo, I was taken in another vehicle to the wild
wilderness of Kurdistan and then summarily deposited to the burning,
baking sands of Arabia.
The ensuing 14 years seemed like 14 centuries, filled with cries and
moans under the scorching sun, where I fried in abandonment,
foresaken in sadness. These 14 years opened gashes in my despairing
heart and filled my miserable life with horrific memories that still
haunt me and make me tremble today.
I was there among people whose language I didn't understand so the
only friend I could chat with was my pen. The silent valleys were my
only available venue to vent my tearful emotions. Sometimes, when
the loneliness and desperation mounted to extremes, my refuge was a
wild corner of the hellish desert, where I would sit by myself. There,
I would play sorrowful tunes on my ud (lute), my alter-ego, and sing
the poems I'd written, moaning the heartbreaking lyrics in my hoarse
voice. After a good long cry, I would get up and run off to another
remote corner in the wild and collapse, exhausted by my sorrow.
Mostly, though, I wouldn't leave my room for days at a time. I began
to turn into a faded, yellowing leaf that was disintegrating, staring at
something across from me while I cried and gasped until I passed out.
There were many times when I would sit in hazy contemplation for
hours, but without any understanding of my thoughts.
Declaration of 'Meşrutiyet' (return of constitutional
government) in Turkey, July 1908.
Once in a while I would hear the voice of a child from a nearby house
and that would slash a wound in my soul, chasing me off to some
remote corner to cry alone and escape all of mankind. I tried to run
away from people but with every step I took I nevertheless felt like I
remained stranded within my world of despotic misery.
I hated my life so much that at times I wanted to put a bullet in my
head. At just that moment, though, my child's pale cherubic face
would appear to console me and I could almost hear a mysterious
voice call out "daddy!". This would melt my suicidal determination
but I would put my hands to my face to avoid seeing any more such
visions, cursing and lamenting my existence in this world.
That is how these 14 years, these 14 centuries, ensued. Then, one
day there was a strange commotion and the word "freedom!" burst
from everyone's mouth. What in the world was happening? Had
everyone gone crazy? Was this word enough to shake the foundation
of a great dynasty? How could the dagger of despotism have been
shattered? Where did this sacred light of freedom come from?
//END of PART TWO//
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