in the Vetluga River in the morning. Otherwise, though,
he's battling the depression associated with captivity. He
gets conflicting reports about the Russian Army's
westward progress in Anatolia.//
16 July 1916 Sunday
We took a swim in the river in the morning.
The weather was nice and
hot. We passed the time pleasantly but the discomfort was not
completely wiped away. This horrible captivity will continue to crush
me at every opportunity as long as
it lasts. Sometimes I think about
sweet and cheerful things and this gives me a strong feeling
of
happiness. My heart thumps with this gladness but my soul is buried
in this lonliness. But this
exceptional time is temporary and represents
but a few roses gathered together. How is it that
this sweet-smelling
brief time can pass as if held in gentle and soft hands and then when
things start
to go bad again my existence is set free among the
great and beautiful circumstances it
produces. But nevertheless it
can’t save me from being a victim of distress. According to a Russian
newspaper, Erzurum is ours for sure. In the evening we poked fun at
one another and had fun.
During this time I didn’t fail to hear some
significant words.
17 July 1916 Monday
Once again after morning tea we went for a
swim in the river. The
weather is nice and very hot, wherever we are we sweat. In the
afternoon
everyone else went outside but I walked a bit in the
garden
and then came back to lie down.
I started to fall asleep, thinking
about nice things relating to the future (before supper). I
had a fight
with Burhan today because of some childish things he did. He got on
my nerves and I
decided I won’t talk to him again. Again, we passed
the time pleasantly with jokes and mimicry.
I showed some
improvement in gymnastics, jumping from the front and pulling myself
above the
iron with two hands. I can easily do a few other movements,
too. At night Halis and I talked about our country at my bed. I’m
getting French lessons from Osman. I was able to lie down
at midnight.
18 July 1916 Tuesday
We repeated the river bath in the morning.
Today was very hot. My
time passes rather restlessly because I don’t have any serious work to
keep myself busy with. With every passing hour I’m suffering more
anxiety. In fact, toward
evening this anxiety spread all through me,
making me sad and unhappy. My soul’s only friend is
my spirit, which
wipes away the sadness and despair and sometimes lets me think about
better
times. But what’s the use, sometimes my spirit is bedridden. It
leaves my self carefree. Now
I’m being crushed under terrible anxiety
and violent effects. I have no hope, much despair. God
you are great.
Save poor Fuad who has suffered for five years, let him be glad, let
him laugh.
A darkness that crashes to evening
A sadness that blackens hope
Ruined, soul of the rose garden
Broken, tranquil heart
19 July 1916 Wednesday
Again in the morning we had a bath in the
river. The weather is nice
and hot. The heat has made everyone irritable. I went to see Şerif
before noon and we talked a bit. My pitiful morale is worn out and
anxious today. Under its effect, I
was quite depressed toward evening.
I’m thinking of Istanbul and picturing my family. Who
knows? If they
have no news of my health I can only Guess at how they’re passing
these dark
days. Then I look at my situation and I feel like crying.
There’s nothing that can comfort me. Nor is
there a loyal friend to
console me. All the fellows here are depressed anyway, I’m not the
only
one. All of us. In a dream tonight I suffered another calamity.
My father seemed to be in the
same city as I and he was fighting
with Major Mümtaz. Then, based on the order of the command
there,
he was transferred to another town so I was to be separated from my
father. Just then,
my father strongly consoled me. Afterwards I woke
up and felt irritated. I wish for
peacefulness.
The Vetluga River, a tributary of the Volga, is a bit to the
left of Nizhny Novgorod on the map and flows into the
Volga from the north.
20 July 1916 Thursday
We went for a bath in the river again in
the morning. Since the river
bed is muddy it’s annoying. The weather is clear and hot. Another
irritating thing happened. In the house: we were going to get bread
from the Austrian committee
for six kopeks per funt (12 oz./ 409.5
grams), with the Commander’s
permission but although the
committee had the bread brought to the door the Russian guards
prevented this. The
guard leader confessed that there was permission
but the soldier wouldn’t let us have the bread
because he supposedly
hadn’t heard about the permission even though the leader was his
immediate commander. The is that the soldiers cannot get bribes.
Because whatever we get
from other places we pay more and the
soldiers get a kickback from the sellers. What low fellows! Finally
they did as they
said they would and didn’t let us have the bread.
The
Commander came to the house again in the evening and we
asked him for permission to get
today’s bread and also oil from
the committee. He agreed. There’s not much oil in the market
and
if you find it it’s 120 kopeks per funt and 45 kuruş per okka
((2.8 lbs.))
21 July 1916 Friday
After morning tea we went to the bath,
where we got thoroughly
cleaned up. The weather is Nice. Hot again. Today yet another
painful,
irritating thing happened. Based on the permission
we obtained from the Commander yesterday,
we got bread and
onions from the committee and brought them as far as the door, but
in
vain because the policeman standing outside the door blocked it.
The reason was that no order had been received
from the
Commander on this subject. Our guardian saw all of this and even
though he knew about the Commander’s permission of yesterday
he didn’t lift a finger. So we couldn’t get these things either and
they were returned. As usual, when the Commander came in the
evening we told him all of this in detail and expressed our dismay.
The Commander then went back on his word and said that from
now on we
wouldn’t get anything from the committee and could
get things only from the market. He said a few other things as well.
We were quite angry. The
Russians don’t keep their word. In the
evening Salah and Captain Hakkı had a big quarrel. Salah said
some things he shouldn’t have and a bit later he admitted his mistake.
What an
embarrassment!
22 July 1916 Saturday
Again this morning we took a bath (in the
river). The weather was
rather cold and toward evening it began to drizzle. Today I spoke
with
Şerif and Mehmet in the garden. In the evening, before dinner,
I was annoyed by a rude remark that
Selahaddin made. Because
rather than just being a sarcastic remark there was a serious aim in
his words. After dinner we went into the garden and had a discussion
about the matter. I really
felt sorry for the poor fellow because this
pauper of a man is absolutely hopeless. In the evening
I heard some
bad news: the Russians have
taken Bayburt and have advanced
beyond it. What I
don’t understand is that these days we’re hearing
very conflicting reports. May God help the
Turks.
23 July 1916 Sunday
After morning tea we had a bath in the
river again. The weather is
not good. Despite the cloudiness, there’s a terrible discomfort.
We’re constantly perspiring. Today I moved my bed to the spot
where Mehmet Ağa’s had been
because he went to the room where the
older fellows are. Salah and a few other
people objected to this. In fact,
toward evening Hakkı came to me and made a sarcastic
remark about
me moving back to my old spot. I said that I could use this place and
that
there wasn’t any power that could make me move from it. What
ridiculous things! Perhaps in
time they’ll realize. I got mad at Ethem
in the evening. He was angry about a little joke
although he himself is
always playing jokes. He started to show a brooding and crinkled
face
and was acting proud and arrogant. But this was artificial…vile bastard.
Supposedly
today 23 (10) July was the day of togetherness.
On the contrary, the effect of captivity
crushed and battered us.
24 July 1916 Monday
The weather is quite a bit worse. I
couldn’t go to the river. It rained
heavily. The news I heard today was quite distressing. The
Russian
newspaper and agencies wrote that the Russians have successfully
advanced from
Bayburt and Mamahatun and the Arabs have declared
independence, seized Mecca,
plundered the ammunition there and
taken many prisoners, in fact killing some. Oh, the
lowdown Arabs!
//END of PART XXXV//
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