6 Mart 2019 Çarşamba

TNT Matchbox Diary: A Turkish POW in Russian Prison Camp (1915-1918)/Part XXXIII

//Ed. Note: The problem of the Arab Ottoman captain in
Fuad Bey's house is resolved by the camp commander.
Meanwhile, Fuad Bey wrestles with the blues of 
captivity.//

m fuad tokad ile ilgili görsel sonucu
A page from the tiny notebook Fuad Bey wrote in, probably
using a needle or a pin as a pen.



1 July 1916 Saturday
The weather is nice and hot. Again irritation, but it’s not clear why. 
Sometimes I think about my family, sometimes I review my current
situation. For a few days I haven’t been able to bear the constricting 
lack of money and I’m scolding myself for having lived a bad life. 
This evening the Commander came to our house and he was informed 
about he decision we made yesterday. The Commander said that in 
order for the problem to be settled by tomorrow nothing else should
happen until then. Then Arab Hamid spoke up and said ‘they’ve all 
formed a committee. I’m scared and I stay near the guard all the time.’ 
The unjustified rascal showed his true colors. Everything he said is a 
lie. Neither the committee nor anything else is threatening him…we 
tried to refresh ourselves from the aggravations of the day by doing 
exercises in the garden.

2 July 1916 Sunday
The weather is nice, hot. Thankfully, the mosquitoes are rather few. I 
had a pretty nice day. Pointless and empty thoughts really make a 
person feel bad. In the morning Osman, secretary Hakkı and Hamid
went to the Command and at noon they came back. The result is that 
we’ll all make up with Hamid and we’ll all live together. Strange. 
How can we live with a cowardly, contemptable, ill-mannered man who
doesn’t trust anyone? Is this possible? Çerkez Mehmet, who came back 
with those who had gone to the Command, said that the Commander 
had ordered this. He added some advice-like things. He also mentioned 
that it would be appropriate for us to remove our hats when we go to the
hospital with the Commander. We did exercise again in the garden. Late 
in the afternoon I went to see Şerif and I listened to Süleyman play the 
zither. At night Halis and I had a discussion. The poor fellow’s future 
life will be even more difficult than it is right now. I said some things 
to console him. Tonight (just now) I had an argument with Rıfkı. The 
reason was that he had made a rude gesture.

In the Morning I Wrote a Story About a Crow and a Fox


3 July 1916 Monday
The weather is nice, hot. After a fierce storm that arose in the late 
afternoon it rained a bit. Things quieted down an hour and a half later. 
Late in the afternoon we went to the Command office and they gave us
each 47 rubles as our June salary. Up to now I’ve gotten 15 + 159 + 3 +
6 + 4.5 + 2 + 5 + 3 + 47 – 4 = 245.5 rubles from the Russian 
Government. When we returned we gave 12 rubles for table d’hote and 
one ruble 10 kopeks to each of the servants. We eased our debts 
somewhat.  We’re angry about our lack of money. Again, I borrowed 
five rubles from Mehmet Ağa. In the morning I wrote a story about a 
crow and a fox. I translated it into French and had Süleyman make
the corrections.

4 July 1916 Tuesday
Today passed with irritations and worries. Really, these days I’m feeling
badly sometimes and sad at other times. This happens involuntarily. 
Sometimes a view seems appealing to me and I’m thinking there’s a 
breath of life in it. This soothes my heart and helps to erase the 
depression in my soul. It’s as if there’s a charm, a purity in it. This 
soothes me, collects some special days from the past for me to recall 
and overwhelms my being. I think I’m living through the most unique 
days of my life, my youth. Alas, after a while I find myself stuck in 
terrible storms of hopelessness and violent winds of despair. At such
times I feel a pain in my soul, anxiety in my heart and a moaning in my
being. These terrible thoughts here in captivity, springing forth with 
bitterness, leave me prisoner to a great destitution. God save me! Leave
me to my homeland to live a free life and fill my future with
prosperity.

5 July 1916 Wednesday
The extraordinarily nice weather of the past two weeks is now 
abusing our bodies with heat. During the day we go to the garden as 
much as possible to ease our burning but throughout the night we
sweat because all sides are closed. The netting we’ve again put on the 
windows only protects us from the mosquitoes. I went to see 
Süleyman today and we talked a bit. I had Süleyman write 
some French words. We passed the time at night by singing and 
making fun of each other. Only Salah’s talkativeness got on my nerves.
After everyone went to sleep I was deep in thought. This again is 
piercing my heart, stinging my soul. Again, some poisonous thoughts. 
I wrote a postcard to my father.

6 July 1916 Thursday
Today it happened again. There’s a profound helplessness and 
cursedness in this life that luck has imposed on me. There’s something 
preventing me from organizing and fulfilling the entire plan that I’ve 
thought out and arranged for the future. Something occupying my heart 
and my mind for no good reason. Oh captivity! If ot for you I wouldn’t 
be absorbed with these filthy thoughts nor would I be trapped by the 
things that unnecessarily dominate my ideas and my heart. Alas! Today
I’m completely lost in thought. If you only knew how your existence was
shaking me! Let me have an hour, or even a minute of peace. You’re 
battering my being with a ceaseless passion, as if I loved to suffer cruelty. 
God save me! Please don’t let my life and my youth end with these empty 
moans and groans! Let the day show some happiness! Today was very hot.
We perspired at night. At eight in the morning we went to the river and 
into the water.  I’m swimming a lot but I can only go four or five meters, 
splashing about. I went to see Şerif again in the afternoon. We passed the 
time in the garden.

7 July 1916 Friday
The same thoughts again occupy my imagination. Sometimes I feel very
 badly and I moan under a deep sadness. I look toward my country but I 
can see it only in my mind. The past and happy days give my being 
comfort and I think some pleasing thoughts. But now I feel a deep 
bitterness in my heart. I want to cry but I can’t cry. I want to laugh but 
I can’t laugh. In short, whatever I want to do I cannot. I’m worn out 
from a vacant and poisonous irritation that I can’t break free from. 
The weather was cold compared to yesterday’s. Clouds are gathering
in the sky. Today I understood from Süleyman that Osman will start 
to give us French lessons. Those who will participate: Nuri, Burhan, 
Halis and me. Şerif came to our room and we talked about conditions
after peace comes. He is a hard-core supporter of the Committee of 
Union and Progress. Today I was annoyed by a childish thing Halis 
said. But I really didn’t get too upset.

//END of PART XXXIII//


Hiç yorum yok:

Yorum Gönder