Sample page from Selahattin's diary.
April
Saturday, 1 April 1933
Because it was April Fools Day, my friend Kemal wrote a
fake telegram from my father and gave it to me. At first, I
believed it but when I saw that the writing was faded I
knew it was fake. The weather is very cold. As I was
coming to the school in the evening I saw her. Selim was
walking in back of her. I cursed when I saw she wasn’t
looking at me. I’ve started to hate her. I won’t look at
her anymore. I’ll have to let my heartache flow into my
veins. Won’t she suffer punishment for what she has done?
I’m thinking that two words from her would wipe away
my hatred. But there’s no chance of that happening.
Sunday, 2 April 1933
We extended the permission we got in the morning to go to
the bath until noon. In the evening we went to the coffee
house after the fifth class. Alil Tevfik told me I’d gotten a
telegram after he got out of his last class. The telegram was
from my father, telling me to come home for sure. But I
don’t want to go. Let’s see what happens. On one hand, I
want to go so I can forget her for a while. But I’m thinking
what if I see her quite a bit if I stay.
Monday, 3 April 1933
I got permission during the third class to go to the post
office and I sent my father a telegram, saying that I
wouldn’t be able to come because of the time. After lunch
the miltary teacher held a discussion. Doctor and Kemal
were embarrassed because they didn’t know anything and
were scolded by the military teacher. I like what this
teacher has to say. He said something very true about
communism, finishing his thoughts by asserting that “we
should hand those who call themselves communists their
hats and tell them to go to Russia.”
In the evening, while I was walking on the station road
Çehri Bey called to me, telling me I’d gotten a telegram.
The telegram was from Şemsi and it read: “Come tomorrow
with driver Halil İbrahim. There’s a sick person here. Faik.”
I was very upset by this and in that state of mind, as I
was walking with Namık I ran into her and her older sister.
We began to follow them slowly. As she walked she
sneered and if I had the strength to do it I would have
snapped off that lip. When she went into her house she
looked back at me, which made me very happy.
Girl: I’m going and I won’t see you for a week. The week
will seem like a century to me, but for you like a day,
because you’ll just play games with your many admirers.
So you won’t even notice the time passing by. Adieu
unfaithful flower, adieu.
I’m going to Tokad with driver Halil İbrahim. But since
he didn’t have enough passengers I had to wait. Toward
noon, as we walked to school we encountered a beautiful
woman on the street. She turned her neck to look at us.
We changed our route in order to cut her off but we
didn’t see her again. Finally, I gloomily left Sivas at three
thirty and arrived home in Tokat at nine at night. I saw
that my father was ill. What should I do? Yet I laughed,
perhaps because of my tiredness. My parents think I’m
in prison at school and that’s why they insisted on me
coming home. If I hadn’t come today they would have
gone to Sivas. My poor mother had gone to Suavi’s house
in the frosty weather to get word about me. My father had
gone to Cemal’s house , not knowing about the telegram
I’d sent him. Two hours before I arrived he heard I was
coming. In any event, I’m very glad I came. God willing,
my father will get well and I’ll be happy during the feast
days.
Behzad Mosque, Tokat.
Wednesday, 5 April 1933
My father and I went to the Behzad Mosque in the morning
and heard the prayers of the feast. When we came back
home my father lay down and I greeted the guests who
came. In the afternoon I went to my older sister’s house.
On the way back I ran into Cemal, Kâzım, Veysi and
Abdürrahim. While chatting with them, “M” was walking,
with her friends. This time I thought she looked quite
pretty. I liked her.
Let’s see if during the holiday I can get in touch with her.
The way she looked at me wasn’t like the traitorous look
I get from the one in Sivas. Sometimes I’m feeling down,
saying to myself I wish I were in Sivas right now. Namık,
Şemsi and Ali Tevfik are probably having a great time
there. But I’m afraid because, after all, she’s a woman and
will no doubt be fickle after turning me upside down.
I think that I’ve finished my apprenticeship and have
begun to recognize my weak points. I want a furious kind
of love. One that makes my knees quake and makes me
cry like a baby. I think that’s when I’ll be happiest.
In the evening my father said he would send me to medical
school but what if I have to make up some classes? He
said that even if I get held back I can take the test next
year. I was glad to hear this but worried at the same time.
So I’ll try not to get held back. The weather got bad and it
rained a bit in the evening.
Thursday, 6 April 1933
The weather was very nice in the morning. When I woke
up the hoopoe bird was chirping. But in the afternoon the
weather turned bad and it rained some. Suavi and I went to
the middle school at 11 o’clock to celebrate the holiday.
The teachers gathered in the principal’s office. We shook
all their hands. We learned that the lottery would be held
at 1 o’clock and since there were no ticket s left, Suavi,
Hilmi and I shared one – number 18. We’ll win something
but won’t find out until tomorrow.
While walking in the garden I saw “M” and she even
looked prettier this time. She turned red a bit as she looked
at me. In any event, I like looking at her. I’ll probably give
my heart to her but three days later when I go back to Sivas
I’ll give it away to the one I’m loyal to there.
Friday, 7 April 1933
When I woke up in the morning I saw that everything was
covered with snow. This made me sad but by noon none of
the snow remained and while walking around then I saw
“M”.
“M”.
Tokat in the 1930s.
//The diary breaks here, with no entries for 2.5 months//
Wednesday, 28 June 1933
Today we had a test on botany. I was quite unnerved about it
and answered most of the questions. But the Principal got
very mad at me because of my distractedness. Today Namık
and I went to the garden of the Industry High School, where
I lay down next to Namık’s knee. Namık both talked and
worked. Today’s test was like nothing we’d seen. We all did
badly on it and the Principal was very angry about this.
Although all of us got through history, 8-10 people failed
botany.
Thursday, 29 June 1933
I entered the French test without any anxiety. They had me
read “The Little Thief” and I did so perfectly. I also
translated it. My spelling was good, too. I had a bit of
trouble, though, translating from Turkish to French. If they
don’t give me 5 for this class it will be an injustice. Finally,
at 6 o’clock the marks were posted. Literature: 4, Botany:
3, History-Geography: 5, Physics: 4, Mathematics: 4,
Philosophy: 2, French: 5. So for the first time, I’ll have to
make up a class. I cried on the bench. Fuad Bey tried to
comfort me but I was very upset and I had every right to be
upset. Even though 12 people from the History-Geography
group didn’t pass, they were sent through. No one failed
Physics-Chemistry. But nobody says anything about
Philosophy. What will I tell my parents? The only good
side is that she’ll probably be here too for make-up classes.
Friday, 30 June 1933
Some of the fellows are heading to their hometowns. But
since we didn’t leave the coffee house, we didn’t see them
off.
Sivas in the 1930s.
July
Saturday, 1 July 1933
They began giving us money for meals today. Around 1
o’clock we got our military outfits and left. Ali Tevfik
went to Tokat. Training starts tomorrow. In the evening
Fuad Bey went to Istanbul. We took him to the station to
see him off.
Sunday, 2 July 1933
We had our first training. If the rest of the training is like
this we’ll have a rough time of it. In the evening Hilmi and
Şemsi drank wine. An official heard Hilmi throwing up in
the corridor of the school but didn’t report it.
Monday, 3 July 1933
After the incident last night, Hilmi left for Tokat without
anyone seeing him. I saw Asıf Bey and got 3 lira from him.
We went to the movies in the evening. The film was
“Pursuing Great Adventures”. It was a silent film but
enjoyable.
Tuesday, 4 July 1933
Today’s training wore us out.
Wednesday, 5 July 1933
Since today was a holiday, we didn’t have training.
Thursday, 6 July 1933
In the afternoon, along the Kızılırmak River we had
training for 3 companies. We ran and crawled on the ground.
We really got tired.
Friday, 7 July 1933
While we were playing a game at the coffee house, Namik
gave me a letter that came from Ali Tevfik. He wote that my
father has learned of everything I’ve been doing here. I was
quite shaken by this news and felt badly until bedtime. I
wonder how I’ll answer this to him in Tokat.
Saturday, 8 July 1933
We finally finished camp today. We had a practical test in
the morning and a theoretical test in the evening. I got 8 in
the practical test. I wrote answers to 4 of the theoretical
questions. Let’s see what they give me. These are the
things I’m thinking about: the pain of separating from
Namık, the delight I feel when I see her, and my
embarrassment when I see my parents.
Military facilities, probably in Sivas, 1930s.
Military facilities, probably in Sivas, 1930s.
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