//Ed. Note: Selahattin has finished his military
training in Sivas and now returns to his family
in Tokat to study philosophy so he can pass a
make-up exam and graduate from high school.
His stealthy but silent pursuit of the lovely
Cemile, also from Tokat, continues unabated.//
Atatürk visiting Tokat in 1930.
Tokat
Sunday, 16 July 1933
In the morning, after I emptied my money box, I got in the
car. Since there were few riders we had to wait quite a
while. Namık left 30 minutes before I did. We departed
Sivas at 11 o’clock. When our driver drove over the newly
paved road at Yeni Han the workers there threw stones at us.
In any case, nothing happened except that one of the tail
lamps was broken. We finally arrived in Tokat at seven
thirty. I walked from the inn all the way to the orchard,
where Kemal was. We talked a bit about the tests. My
father said “my son, this will probably be better for you.”
I was glad to hear him say this. As I was going to bed
my father told me that my nanny’s younger son Hilmi had
died last evening, which made me feel very bad.
While I was in bed I was both happy and emotional. I
thought about Namık quite a bit today. We’ll be apart
for 44 days but that’s no big deal – 6 weeks will pass
quickly. The thing I have to focus on is the test.
Monday, 17 July 1933
I went into the city with my mother in the morning and we
visited my nanny, paying our condolences. They cried and
we cried. In the afternoon Cemal, Hilmi and I went to the
coffee house and played some games. I saw Hacı Osman
and gave him physics and chemistry books. In the evening
the men sat with Nuri bey in the orchard. My former
French teacher said “It’s a shame that Selahattin has to
make-up philosophy.” This made me sweat with
embarrassment.
We played many nice new tunes there and had a pleasant
night. Ah, yes. I almost forgot – around noon as I was
sitting in the office I saw her with a soldier heading toward
the municipal building. I turned pale and my heart began to
pound. Barely able to breathe, I looked at her. She was
walking along unaware that I had seen her. I was too excited
to track her any further. Until bedtime, I thought of her and
my heart raced. Now I’m very regretful that I wanted to
move to the orchard. But what can I do? It seems to me that
no one will know about my heartache because my father is
around. I have to behave properly in light of my father’s
heart problem, which won’t let him sleep at night. Ah girl,
ah. Aren’t you the reason why I have to make-up
philosophy? From now on you’ll give me heartache. To
the one who has the magical power to make me cry: I
will always love you. Cemal talked about the lie he wrote
to Hakkı and read out Hakkı’s and Saib’s letters.
Tuesday, 18 July 1933
I tried to write a poem and it turned out so-so. I read some
Italian. At night the men got together again and had a good
conversation.
Tokat in the 1930s.
Wednesday, 19 July 1933
As I was reading Italian, Ali Rıza came and we chatted until
evening. I saw Veli while going to the orchard in the
evening. I wrote a 7-page letter to Namık and it was a bit
emotional. Let’s see what he writes in reply. My mother
heard about me going to see bad women in Sivas but I
swore to her that I hadn’t gone to see bad women there.
Thursday, 20 July 1933
In the morning I walked to Tokat. I finished Namık’s letter
and mailed it. Along the road I ran into Suavi and we went
to the coffee house together. We sat for a while and around
noon I went to the bath with my father. In the evening I
listened to some ‘saz’ (a stringed instrument) players. I rode
my bike and walked in front of the military club a number
of times but I didn’t see her. In a bad mood, I went back to
the orchard. I went to bed right after dinner, had some
dreamings about her and fell asleep.
Friday, 21 July 1933
The weather is very hot. I stayed inside the little mansion
from morning till evening and talked with my nephew
Kemal about a lot of things.
Saturday, 22 July 1933
I went with my mother to Tokat. The weather was very hot
and I perspired heavily. Toward evening, my brother-in-law
said “let’s go to the park”. I was more than willing so I
got up to go right away. While sitting in the park I was
surprised to see her sitting right across from me. In front of
her was a flower as big as a tree. As I changed my seat to
get a better view of her, my brother-in-law said to me “why
are we moving farther away?” I replied that I wanted to
avoid someone blocking my view of the girl singer. Yet, I
wonder what he would have said if I had told him the real
reason. She looked at me directly a couple of times, which
made me very happy. Although I had been in a bad mood
until evening, after seeing her I was smiling and enjoying
my chat with my brother-in-law. I was very lucky today.
What wonderful moments I experienced. When I saw my
father coming I reluctantly left the park. Along the road,
my father told me that there would be an entertainment
tomorrow and I was very happy to hear about it. So I’ll
go to Tokat again tomorrow and perhaps she’ll go to the
entertainment, too, and I’ll look at her for a couple of
hours. I was in great spirits as we headed for the orchard.
I chatted quite a bit with Cemal, Veysi and Hamdi along
the way. In the afternoon, as I was on my bicycle I thought
I saw her on the road and headed towards her with great
excitement. But when I got close I realized it wasn’t her
but rather her mother, which disappointed me.
Sunday, 23 July 1933
I went to Tokat to see the entertainment but since it won’t be
until the evening I won’t be able to see it. The weather was
quite hot. I walked and chatted with my brother-in-law.
In the evening we didn’t go to the park. Again, I rode my
bicycle in front of the military club but she wasn’t there.
But as I was passing by the clock tower I saw her coming
and my excitement rose. But when I passed by her she
didn’t look at me so in defiance I, too, turned my head away,
but reluctantly. Why do I do this? Why do I miss the
chance to get a look at her? In any case, I turned my bike
around right away and saw her go into a house near her own
street. I turned around again and as I passed by the door
of this house I saw her in front of the door. As I passed she
looked at me. Finally, without hope I headed down the
orchard road.
Monday, 24 July 1933
In the morning I went to Kemal’s orchard, where I started to
take photographs. An hour later Hamdi came and we
chatted about this and that for quite a while. Then I heard
that my older sister and my brother-in-law had come so I
said “welcome” to them. I stayed at the orchard until my
brother-in-law went to Tokat. After that I went to see
Hamdi again My mother said to me “my son, you didn’t
work on you studies at all today. Do some work.” So I
went upstairs and read in the little mansion until evening.
Tuesday, 25 July 1933
While I was studying in the mansion, Hamdi came and we
talked until evening. Since there was no one else with us
we had a nice chat. I was really shocked by what he told me.
This year and during the last vacation he’s had quite a lot
of adventures while no one’s been around.
Wednesday, 26 July 1933
The weather turned cool, with the sun blocked by the clouds.
I walked to Tokat in the morning and reached the office in
45 minutes. In the evening, although I roamed around on
foot and on my bike quite a bit, I didn’t see her. But Kemal
saw her while he was in the square with his little brother.
Disappointed once again, I left Tokat.
Thursday, 27 July 1933
I stayed in the mansion until evening. In the afternoon,
Ahmet Bey, the Turkish teacher from the middle school,
came and I talked with him at length. When my father
came he gave me the philosophy notebook that Fethi
had sent.
Friday, 28 July 1933
Hilmi came in the morning so we could work on philosophy.
Since it was the first day, we just spent our time making a
schedule: we’ll finish two books in 15 days. The weather
continued cloudy. In the morning while I was having
breakfast with my father he said to me “my son, this year
you’ve been very enthusiastic about games. That’s why
you have to do this make-up. Now you understand the
consequence of your actions, right?” Acknowledging this,
I bowed my head in shame.
Tokat in the 1930s.
Saturday, 29 July 1933
Hilmi came in the morning and we worked on a 25-page
speech and 15 pages of philosophy. We also prepared a copy.
Toward noon my brother-in-law came on a donkey. He
was sleepless from having played games from evening till
morning. As soon as he came he went upstairs and went to
sleep. Hilmi was going to go to Tokat in the evening for
exercise so we put him on our donkey and sent him to Tokat
on it. My brother-in-law stayed at the orchard in the evening.
Sunday, 30 July 1933
In the morning, my mother and brother-in-law insisted on
going to Tokat, which I was more than happy to do.
Without letting Hilmi know, I arrived in Tokat, where I
washed myself with cold water, shampooed my hair and
shaved my face. At one thirty in the afternoon, I started
riding my bike along the road and as I headed toward the
hospital I saw her with her mother. Again, I got very
excited. She looked at me, too. After riding my bike a bit
ahead, I turned around and started to follow them from the
back. They went into a store and came out after buying a
few things. Passing by them, I went into the office and
pretended to get some paper. As she passed by the office
she looked at me distractedly. In fact, my father wondered
what was going on but I did some things to change the
subject. I got back on my bike and followed them as far as
their house. In the evening, I went to the park with my
brother-in-law. I was facing toward Süt Damlası Park. A
house across the way caught my eye and I saw her in the
window there. How happy was I! She kept looking back at
me, too. Finally, they went to their own house and I
followed her with my eyes as she went. I realized that she
is interested in me, too. But she has such power over me
that even when I am overcome with a desire to look at her,
when my eyes meet hers I have to turn my blinded eyes
away and bend my head down. If only I could find the
strength to talk to her there are so many things I want to
say. I wonder if when I do the make-up in Sivas, will I
succeed in the dreams I see?
In the evening I went back to the orchard with my father
and my mother stayed in Tokat.
Monday, 31 July 1933
Since my mother was in Tokat, I came to Tokat, as well.
After two days of clouds, the sky cleared around noon and
became very hot. Since the people from Zile came this
week, the kids here have started to do exercise. I didn’t
see her today, which made me feel very bad. Again, I
went back to the orchard.
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