the Russians came to seize all foreign-language books held
by the POWs (in bold below). Its tiny size no doubt allowed
Fuad Bey to hide it fairly easily.//
26 February 1917
Monday
The weather was
clear until noon, then it clouded up. It was bitter cold
in the morning again.
My soul-suffering has
increased today. On one
hand, I’m thinking about myself and I see that I’m rolling around
within
a deep unknown. On the other hand, I’m thinking about my parents and
my brother and
becoming convinced that hope of reuniting with them
alive is diminishing. The war goes on, with
no peace in sight. The
uncertainty is so dense that there’s no chance of
solving it. Nevertheless,
captivity
and the sorrows and torments it brings are separate. When all
of these aggravations are
brought together bearing up is just about
impossible. Really, I’m fed up with everything
anymore. Even my time
is lost in thought and my sleep passes amidst torment. I
want to work
on and
learn German but this can’t be done in deprivation. I don’t know
what I’ll do .
My perception and
thoughts are escaping from me. Dear
God, give me happiness…henceforth things are changing, the
nights
aren’t that long…again, we didn’t have a lesson. The day was wasted.
Today we had
sugarless fried dough instead of table d’hote. It was good.
At night I made
Halis a bit mad again.
Wilson is Avoiding
War
27 February 1917
Tuesday
The weather is
clear, nice. The cold is considerable. In the morning the
Feldfebel (sergeant-major)
and the Commander sent
word that they
would inspect us. The reason: if there are foreign language
books they will
determine whether they are appropriate or
inappropriate. If appropriate they
will be returned but if
not they
will be held at the Kazarma (main barracks) until
peace or until we are
transferred to another place. The
Commander didn’t come. Based on his second message,
the ustarşi (Russian supervisor) took
the books that were
here. Fortunately, he didn’t find the notebooks (diaries).
News: (Tercüman) the
problem of whether or not America will fight a
war with Germany is still being
written about. Wilson is
avoiding war.
But the Allied Powers are hoping for help. I was somewhat
irritated
today. This was exacerbated
a bit by my making Halis mad. My
discomfort is all because of Saffet. In any
event, none of us has
been
comfortable for the past couple of days. The season is winter and it’s
cold. The air inside the rooms
is hardly recycled at all. The stove
doesn’t warm the rooms. The blankets are insufficient for
warding off
the cold. The temperature in the room is only plus five degrees. We
didn’t have a lesson at
night. Today I couldn’t even work on one letter.
28 February 1917
Wednesday
The weather is
clear. It’s cold like it has been, bitter. News: the English
escaping from
Mesopotamia are pulling back
to the east of Katra. This
means that the enemy is without hope. The Germans
have raised the
number
of sunken ships to 190 in two weeks. Turkey has appointed
someone named Nazim Bey to the
Foreign Ministry. My illness went
away today. Halis and I talked at length
today. We got rid of the
conflicts in our ideas and came to an understanding. We agreed to not
let such conflicts arise
anymore. There’s no doubt that these conflicts
of ideas are the consequence of
the torments brought
on by captivity.
Damn captivity!
1 March 1917
Thursday
The weather is
clear but it clouded up somewhat in the afternoon.
The cold is not as bad as it
has been in the last
few days. News:
in Petrograd, the
Foreign Minister has asked the leaders of the workers
committee
whether or not it is true that the workers have already made
a decision to demonstrate for
the overthrow of the current government
and the establishment of a democratic republic when the
Duma opens
on 14 February (27 February, according to the modern calendar). He
also said that a
commission would take an initiative to investigate this.
The committee chief
said that there would
be no such thing and he
added that they had no right or power to conduct such
an investigation
…when
one looks at the things that are happening within Russia and in
its cities it
seems that there is
rebellion all over. The reason for this
must be starvation because the
newspapers are full of such
stories
every day…again, I wasn’t able to work on anything. I’m bewildered
these days. I have no appetite.
There’s a mild aching in my body and
I’m shaking a bit in the house. We chatted at night, all
about
agriculture. Finally, it stopped at beekeeping. Everyone talked about
what they knew on this subject…we
listened attentively.
2 March 1917
Friday
The weather is
clear. It’s not so cold and the bitter cold is no more.
Here are the current
prices for provisions
here: bread 30, meat 60,
rice, milk 55, macaroni 35 (these prices are all per
funt). One egg is
12 kopeks.
Supposedly, according to regulations, the municipality will
only give on pud of flour per
person per month. We sort of had a lesson
tonight. I couldn’t write or work.
But a very regrettable thing
happened.
While I was absent-mindedly speaking German and practicing, our time
went a bit over
and the doctor said to the servants ‘go, go to bed!’ A bit
after we stopped the
lesson. The doctor’s
giving such an order all of a
sudden was nothing other than impoliteness. Fortunately, since we heard
about this problem quite late we didn’t say anything. At night Zühdü
talked
about his travails during
the Balkan War. It was really quite
touching. Tonight my dream was about the
front line. I was
heading
for a place like a forward outpost amidst some deprivations. It seemed
that Halis and my
mother were there. Halis gave me two liras as a
precaution since we were
partners again. My mother
gave me 15 liras.
At first I didn’t accept this, saying to Halis ‘you’ll be
coming a bit
later anyway
dear friend.’ But when they insisted I accepted. I felt very
bad when I was leaving them.
Because the worry on their faces gave
me a deep sadness, as well. I woke up
then.
//END of PART LXIX//
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